The first draft of the new year 2007 will be a long one. But I'd like to take a look back. Take a look at the year 2006; review myself, before I venture into the 17th year of my life.
Years ago, I've this concept that many a times, we (or maybe, just me) would always come to a point in life when I stop in my tracks, take a few sips of water and judge my surroundings. And looking at the map in hand, I would trace my previous steps and slapped my forehead. I would then realise an easier alternative upfront beats the one through the thorns I had chosen hands down. Alas, I should have taken that way. And the next time, you would find me looking up ahead first, learning from my wrong decisions in the past. I would grin and think. Hey man, you've grown smarter. Mature. Independent. Look at you.
As I walked for fifteen years, I always believe in my heart that every year, I've grown in my way of thinking and the way I place my priorities and choices in life are much more mature. But for the sixteenth year running, things were a little different.
The year 2006 was in a word, tough, for me. There were the usual ingredients that made the perfect recipe: Poor results, lacking of finances, family problems, dry spiritual periods, as well as the occasional heartaches. But as I've been lamenting for so often now, you'd probably get tired of reading all the shit I've been going though (and sometimes, not understanding a thing), shake your head and exclaim, " The guy is one heck of a depression case. " But if you really must know, I've been struggling in many more dark secrets never been revealed. Maybe that's human. That's the way we are. If you spent a little more time thinking, the person that you think you know so well could actually be a stranger to you. We are never who we actually are as we appear. Even if you insist you are you, there would be still some sort of deception unknown to yourself kept hidden, buried. That's the way things are, and I know that. And I know too, myself all too well. But I've never been able to rise above the choppy waters. I've just been digging and digging and digging. Digging a grave of my own in the year 2006.
I've grown more mature in 2006.
I'd be lying if I said that.
So as I continue walking, I'd come across a few travelers on the same road as me. We would chat about anything under the sun, laugh merrily, and raise beer bottles in the moonlight. But I was puzzled. These travelers would disappear mysteriously. Sometimes in the morning, sometimes at night. There would even be moments when I was droning on and on when I turned around, only to realise I'm the only living person in sight. But soon, I got used to it.
On other occasions, I'd stop by the roadside, plucking the wild roses of all sorts. The red ones, blues ones, even those that are as black as night, which are all the more alluring. But for one reason or another, from the rising dawn of the year to the falling dusk when the snow stopped falling, none of these roses were alive. Their petals wilted and peeled slowly but surely, and I'd be left with bloodied hands that so stubbornly held onto the thorned stem.
There were sticks and stones. Holes too. Not that it wasn't common for the first fifteen years. But there seemed to be twice the number, and of a size doubled in comparison. It was inevitable to trip over once or twice, and even harder to avoid the holes. So I tripped and fell multiple times. I was so bruised, so tattered.
It was as if some sinister force was at work, stealing the travelers from behind, burning the roses, and setting the various deadly traps along the way.
There was a voice. Sometimes in the back of my head, the other times an echo behind the hills. Someone was there, but it wasn't dark or anything like that. It was.. pure. And warm. I've heard it a couple of time in the past. But it was not like before, nothing was. It was so much softer this time. So faint that if you didn't strain your ears, you'd think you were hallucinating.
But for every start, there will be an end. In good time, the perilous journey would be over. And it is. A bell chimed. Fireworks exploded in the sky and cheers erupted. Happy new year! Happy new year! Men tossed their hats in the air, and women, well, they just screamed and yelled their heads off. And everyone was happy.
The towering clock in Times Square strikes twelve. A voice booms.
" Round 16 is over, will the contestant please make his way to Round 17? "
For me, I'm a happy boy. 2006 is finally over and the dust has settled. No two years would be the same and many people around me have been saying. " Hey boy, be more positive, look on the bright side of life ". ( Nike advertisement comes to mind ) Although no one would or could ever know my other dark side, I sincerely wish that 2007 would be a good year. I'll try to better to everyone, be more outgoing, or even open up more. But the future holds a secret we never know, and try as we might, we never know what would be coming up.
Thank you all, for the year 2006.
For the sweet, the sour and the bitter.
Happy New Year.
posted by cigarettelove @ 11:25 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home